Ilham in Wonderland

Well, been a long time since I write again..

Today is the 31st of December, the last day in the year 2008. It's still in the early morning, yes, but I just want to make my last post in this year. Haha, pretty silly, isn't it? Sometimes, I just want to do something remarkable (for me), especially when it comes to a good-bye business. Good bye? Yes, a good-bye to this year, 2008.

I just remember. Last year, at this exact time (mind the time zone difference, of course), I was sitting on the edge of a balcony in my aunt's house in Bali, accompanied by my dear Kuma (he's a cat, by the way). I was pretty annoyed for a few reasons back then. And my habit of planning things, which come up when I feel sad and fail, really occupied my mind. What was I planned at that time? I'm not even sure. It's seems like, I've been planning for all this time, the whole year, for something that I don't even had a volition to do so. I'm a dreamer. At that time, I would say "this year, I want to do this.." or "this year, I have to achieve.." I thought it was a plan, but it's only a dream, because when this year pass, which only have about 22 hours, I have achieve none of my goals. If you asked me why, I surely can't give you a proper answer, other than because the goals that I have set still stuck in wonderland.

So, in this exit door of the 2008, I want to stop my dreamland journey. The tale of Ilham in Wonderland has ended. I don't want to have it just when I get to wonderland, I want it to be real. My goals is real, and I will achieve those goals. I have to, since my life is truly goal-oriented, or maybe too goal-oriented, just like this article.

The Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas everybody!!!

In this very early morning of December 25th, I wishes you all who celebrates Christmas a Merry Christmas. May God bless you all..

Just got home from Christmas parties. I often sleep in my regular schedule, so it doesn't really bother me. Moreover, the atmosphere tonight makes me happy. I always liked Christmas. It's sweet. Ever since I was a child, Christmas gives me a sweet and warm feeling. It's not part of my religion's ritual, but it has become my culture (not my traditional culture either, don't get it wrong). It's my personal culture to celebrates Christmas with my family. I don't really close to my paternal family, but when Christmas come, we all there together under the Christmas tree, having dinner and exchanging presents. Sadly my half-siblings rarely present, but I'm still very happy, to be together with them. It's a kind of feeling that you won't get on anywhere else. But unfortunately, it can't happen anymore. It's mainly because of me, though. My two most beloved Christmas parties has been blown to pieces (not literally). I can no longer celebrates them. No more dinner, no more presents, and no more togetherness. It's all gone. Replaced by other parties, yes, lots of them actually. But those new parties are different, no togetherness. Isn't the meaning of Christmas is togetherness and cherishing each other? I have lost them. I have lost my Christmas.

But it's not only the Christmas tree that I longed for. I think it would feel better if I had mistletoe and holly, just to cover the emptiness of my decoration. Sadly, I don't have them all...yet

This Christmas Eve...

Yap, today is Christmas Eve..

Despite what had happen yesterday, I'm still feeling anxious. Yes, my psychologist (it's sounds weird, so let's call him 'counselor' instead) said to me that I'm worrying too much. OK, maybe I am, but isn't life is worth worrying. I don't like to be like this, but it's my personality, which is very hard to be changed.

Enough with the worry-thing angst and back to the main topic. Today is Christmas Eve! Even though I'm not Christian, I still indirectly celebrates Christmas (well maybe directly though, I technically celebrates Christmas). My family members has many different religion from each other, from the majority Islam to Roman Catholic and also Confucian. So, whether it's Lebarans (1 and 2), Christmas, or Chinese New Year (农历新年), we're always busy. It's fun. I'm still devoted to my religion, yes, but I respect differences, especially this is consists in my family.

And since this is Christmas Eve, I have to attend the Christmas party my paternal grandparents held. Well, have to doesn't mean will. I don't come to their party, not anymore. Why? Honestly, I myself don't know the answer. No, I know the answer, perhaps, but it's just me who don't want to accept it. Stupid me, for not being honest with itself. Well, man is a fool to himself, right?

Greetings, Earthians!!

(In a static accent) Hello, humans!! It is an honor for me to see you all. I am Ilham from the galaxy far, far away...

OK, enough with the absurdity. I'm called Ilham, true, but I'm not an alien. Maybe you thought me as a sci-fi geek, as shown in the text above, but actually I'm not. Well yeah, maybe a little. Still, I'm not that weird. Just expressing my thought to this newly-created blog of mine.

I'm pretty new to this blogging thing. Before, I don't really care much about getting online, aside from my hobby of surfing the web excessively. But, due to my recent misfortune with nearly everything in this known world (which I don't want to explain here and now), and my aspiring dream to become a writer, I made this blog, just to put my ideas, and to let my hand to do what my heart wants to do, writing that is.

Again, I say "hello" to everyone (whoever that everyone is)...