Credit Card and Snack Bucket

I'm stressed. That's the first word I got for today. I know, I've been really stressed up lately, to the point that I can't think straight, and go back to my original character: an introverted bookworm, cyberspace explorer, malls and cafes sweeper, and a living mannequin. I've been so depressed this past few weeks. How to deal with it? For me, a credit card and snack buckets are the solution.

Shopping is one of the most common activities for urban dwellers. But shopping addicts are something else. Many people I heard have this 'shopping addict syndrome', or so I observed. Well, to be honest, it's a infectious disease, and I already got infected. It's like my brain has a motto "shopping is stress relieving" kind of thing. But it's truly true. I'm a type of person who get stressed and worried easily, but then I bottled up those feelings on myself, never ever pulled it out on someone because I barely can trust anyone. It's hard, but that's my character (which I found very troublesome). But then, I saw a worldly heaven, called "shop". It's a place where I can seemingly forget my problems, and have fun on my own. But still, it's unhealthy. Excessive shopping can cause trouble to your own, of course everybody knows that. So, how can I handle this problem? I have a stressful life, yet I have to control my budget, which mean I can't spend all my credit for this expensive stress-relieving program. I got really stressed this week, and when on the way home, I stopped at the nearby mall, buy a trouser. And when I got home, I accessed the internet, ordered Russian and Japanese novels on eBay, just with a click. I can't stop, it's really troublesome. How to heal this disease? I can't blame it all on my stressful life, can I?

But it's not only shopping that concerned me. It's also eating. I have an eating disorder, I think. I rarely eat on everyday life. I eat twice or maybe even once a day, below the average of human diet. But when stress attacked, I can eat the whole snacks on the pantry by myself. It's not decent meals, but still, it's eating. I don't like snacks, or anything that related to eating. It's just calming if I eat while stress strike. So I eat excessively, not even care about anything else (aside from the shopping thing above).

Those explained things above are the unhealthy habits of mine. I can't stop them, because there are no solution for my get-stressed-easily habit. Or maybe I can, with a therapy or something. I don't know. I wrote this post just because I want to, but in the other hand I want this to become the solution for my problems. One thing for sure, credit card and snack bucket can be jewels, but they can turned into lava balls too. So beware!

The Gun and The White Pigeon

Have anyone paying attention to the news lately? You must have heard about the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. What d'you think bout it? I personally have many opinion about it, and since it's my habit to express my feelings and thought everywhere, I want to write about it here. I'm a type of person who really care about the well being of mankind, and I think this world is really rotten. I just have a slight hope that this simple article can change the dark reality of humanity.

Ever since the time I barely remember in my mind, I always see a world stained with blood. Unfortunately, it is the world where I live in. I have seen atrocities all around the world, some of them were real experiences. I remember rushing to airport when local coup d'etat strike. Or I remember the fear seeing news of Iranian missiles that about to strike American naval base in the Red Sea nearby me. I just imagined, how it would feel for the Middle Eastern people, sulking in the corner in fear of something that they can't prevent: death. Why people always use violence in order to gain something, when others watching hopelessly to their tragic death? The world really is rotten. No, it's not the world which is rotten, it's humanity. Humans are violent creatures, exactly true, but we also understand love and peace. It's our emotion that hindering us from our own virtue. The root of the problem is ourselves. I believe that society is suffering from a social schadenfreude (a state of emotion when we feel happy seeing others' misfortune). Seeing others in pain is somehow natural for human, as we can see from the joy of watching gladiator or even tragic comedy. We even sometimes want to torture our hated ones. It is natural, yes (even I experienced it), but that is the root of violence in this world. It raised a questionable question: Why can't we be tolerant?

This article may sound really idealistic, but this is the fact of mankind. I found it really funny when I saw a poster or something that advertising for worldwide peace. They shout for peace, but at the same time, they raise their gun, in the name of obtaining peace. It's really stupid, they were contradicting themselves. You can't fight fire with fire. They use violence for abolishing violence. Of course they won't succeed. This paradox is main problem of this world. Why don't they just finish it by shaking hand, not firefight? Humans are really childish, you know.

Again I say, this may sound really idealistic, but I wrote this based on my observation and my own opinion about my own race. I'm a human, yet I'm sick of humanity. It's contradictory, even for myself. I just hope that in any way, I could change the world to a better place. It's a child dream, but it's what humanity truly want. I really want to see a world where peace is restored. But at the same time, I think it's an impossible wish, just because we are human..

"Maiden Voyage of the Year"

Haii, my first post on 2009!!

I don't have a lot to say, since my mind can't work really well after the new year's party. I barely got any sleep for days! It feels as if my brain is shutting off, but the saving process isn't done yet. Yeah, anyway, this post is a bit late, since I was quite busy last night. Playing board games, watching movie, chatting about something that I couldn't defined, and doing other things that I can barely remember. It was fun, though.

So, before the end of the first day of the year, I post this article, just for giving a silly remark for my heart. Weird, ha? It doesn't really have any particular meaning, this article is. It just some kind of a "maiden voyage of the year" article.

By the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

*(It's already passed nearly a day but my neighbor still lighten up their crazy-and-noisy fireworks. Stop it please! The dust is everywhere!)